I am one of those people who rarely feels full and uses food to: celebrate, comfort, punish and numb myself. I am defiantly a person who struggles with "living to eat"!
Since I was about 12 years old I have battled my weight and eating habits. I had a someone in my life that always commented on my weight by saying things like "your not as fat as last time I saw you!" The summer between my 5th-6th grade years we moved to the country and my mom went back to work. I am a city girl at heart and loved "1st place" and playing outside with the kids on the street. That summer I gained 30 pounds before starting 6th grade. I was teased throughout middle school for my weight and the bus ride was torture for me as one guy would moo at me when I got on the bus because I had to turn sideways to get down the isle. When I was in 9th grade I got mono and dropped the 30 pounds and guys started to be interested in me. The summer between my 9th-10th grade year is the only summer I can remember feeling comfortable in a swimming suit. Throughout high school I struggled with my weight and self image because to others I appeared normal but to myself I always felt overweight and uncomfortable in my own skin. When I got pregnant with Chloe I gained 80 pounds ( I don't know if I thought I was going to give birth to an 80 pound baby or what!) I struggled for years to get that weight off! I ordered things off the TV and went to weight watchers and had a little success but always went back to eating excessive amounts of things like pizza and burgers looking back now I can see that during those times of binging that I was also struggling with depression.
Lesson Learned: I will always have an appreciation and love for food but I do not have to eat because I do not feel loved, like a failure, when I am hurt, or when I am just sad. It is OK to feel all of those things and when I binge eat doing those times... I only punish myself and those feelings are still there along with extra weight and I feel even more like a failure.