These past couple of weeks have been full of self examination in my relationships with others. As when I always try to look at myself it is painful because coming out of denial is tough!
I really struggle with relationship and closeness with people. There are few people that know the real me, but since I began my Celebrate Recovery journey 3 years ago I have slowly began to try and have connection and closeness with people. I think one of the main things that keeps me from this is the fear of hurting others. With my perfectionism tendencies, it is very hard to connect with people and try to always say and do the right thing but I know it is important to surround myself with people who love me through the good as well as the bad. For me, two of the most painful things in my life are when I hurt those I love and when I am hurt by others. I have ALWAYS struggled with living in "extremes" and I am still learning to trust myself and my ability to make healthy boundaries so that I CAN have healthy relationships in my life instead of trying to get through life without them. So for a long time it felt safe to keep everyone at a distance and do things myself BUT God did not design me that way! He designed me for relationship.
On FACEBOOK I am a "fan" of the Celebrate Recovery page and this week there were 2 very powerful posts that spoke to me. So I thought I would share:
Pain - God's megaphone to get our attention!
"To deny your pain is to refuse God's power to help you recover. How bad does it have to hurt before you are ready to face your denial and admit you can't handle it on your own? Remember, if you could have handled that problem on your own it wouldn't still be a problem." LHC's Choice 2
Why don't you make today the day of surrender? That's right, give up and give it to God. And then make sure you are plugged into His family because none of us are strong enough to do it alone. CR is a great place to make this a reality! Mac
"As strange as it may sound, pain is God's antidote for denial. Pain is God's way of letting us know something is seriously wrong." LHC's Choice #2
God loves us to much to allow anything to destroy our lives or relationships. So He sends pain to let us know there is something that needs our attention. Then when we think, finally, I have worked through all my denial issues, here comes the pain again. God's letting me know I have not arrived and there is something else I need to work on. Are you experiencing some pain in your life? Very possible God is trying to get your attention.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Over the last few weeks we have sold our cars and bought "new to us" cars. I was surprised about how I was attached to "Madame Blueberry" (1997 Honda CRV). She was a good car! I got her with the help of my grandparents 8 years ago. She got us where we need to go. She never broke down! She traveled the turnpike to Tulsa and back many times, made 4 trips to Michigan and back, and got us around town!
I did sell her to a wonderful person! Yves is a Rwandan Student that is studying Engineering at OC! He also works with Rwandans for Water and helps to drill clean wells in Rwanda. This is him in Rwanda at a drill site:
I cannot say enough good things about Yves!! He is a natural born leader and has a passion for his country and people! I cannot wait to see the how God uses this young man to change the world!
Misa has discovered car auctions and purchased a little 2005 Kia Spectra! She needs some TLC but Misa has already put on new brakes, did a tune up, put on new windshield wipers, and got her some new tires! We still have some cosmetic things to do but she runs great and most importantly gets 30 miles to the gallon!! As is the tradition in our family she has a named and Allie was so distraught over selling Madame Blueberry I promised her she could name the next car so "Senora Oreo" it is!
Misa has always looked online at cars so when he said he wanted sell his truck I really did not take him seriously becuase he has always said that at least every few weeks since he purchased "The Beast" (2009 Dodge Ram). But this time he actually started to go and look at cars and then he traded in his truck for a 2007 Tahoe! After going through a few names, we have started calling it "TAHIE" because Allie thought that was what kind of car it was and Chloe and I thought it was funny!
Because Misa has a work truck so we are only use "TAHIE" for long trips. The great thing is she can pull "Big Bertha" (our camper).
Lesson Learned: God is so good!! He has taken care of us and kept us safe and given us the ability and means to buy these cars to get us from A to Z!