Mema

This past Tuesday Mema passed from this life. Mema and I had a tough journey in our relationship but this last Thursday as we buried her I have never been more thankful for my recovery.  Without it, I would not have been able to let go and forgive her a few years ago and that made her passing one of no regrets for me.
There were a few things about her that I know:
1. I know she truly loved God.

2. I know she cared enough for her grand kids to save the heels of bread for when we came so that we could feed the ducks.

3. I know she loved my Pop.

4. I know she was generous with her money and helped the girls and me when their dad left a lot financially.

5. I know she loved OU.

6. I know she hated her middle name that we all loved to call her. Imogene Maudelou

As I walked past her casket at the end of the funeral, I placed a letter with her that allowed me to say my good-byes and everything I felt I need to say to her.

I am so thrilled for you mema that you have found true peace. Give a cuddle to Pop and Aunt Andrea for me.

Thanksgiving 2012

This year we had a GREAT Thanksgiving despite the fact that Misa had to attend a school for work the entire week of Thanksgiving. The girls and I decided to stay home and to invite any of my student workers over that did not have anywhere to go. We had 7 guests! I cooked and we ate!


Thursday night the girls and I decided to go to the movies and we saw "Life of Pi"! Chloe and I loved it but it was a little too scary for Allie.

That night we got home and drug out the tree and Christmas decorations. We put everything up except for the ornaments on the tree.

Friday, we got up and headed to Kohl's where we got the girls yearly Christmas Ornaments for free with all the coupons and discounts I had. Then we headed to Walmart to get groceries and saw that they had Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter Movies for $2.49 so we ended up with some great Black Friday deals without the chaos. Misa ended up coming back Friday afternoon and we just had a quiet day at home. We hung the ornaments, watched movies, and hung out together. Chloe's friend Alyssa came over so that they could make a movie for Chloe's book report at school. You can watch it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJgaTJyyix8&list=UUDvholGIDUuF90Au4rPSJTA&index=1&feature=plcp


Saturday, Misa was off to work again. My sister-in-law, brother, niece, and their friend came up for the day. We ate lunch and left Uncle Matt with the kids and the football and got some shopping done! Then we came back home for OU/OSU game.

Sunday, we had a great worship at church with and later on Misa and I went and got some Christmas shopping done.

Oscar and Buster enjoyed Thanksgiving as well! Oscar got into the mac-n-cheese but Buster was a good boy and only ate what I gave him. He did have a full tummy and took a long nap!



It was nice to just be home and have a real break with not a ton of organized planning.

Patience

I know it has been a while since I have blogged. The last few months have been filled with ups and downs. We have continued with the fertility treatments with no success so far. I think the roller coaster ride of hoping for the best each month and then not being pregnant has taken its toll on my emotional state. After the time change, I felt depression that I have not felt in a long time. Then at my doctors appointment I found out I had a cyst so I have to take a break from treatments for now. This Sunday was the first time in awhile I felt like my old self and it felt good to not feel like I am walking through jello or counting the hours until I get to crawl back in bed.

Patience is something that has never come easy and to be honest I have been afraid of it! I always tell people NOT to pray for patience for me. Then I heard something last month that has really made me reevaluate my view on patience.

"Patience is long-suffering with a view of the end result."

This really has caused me to reconsider my fear and aversion to patience. As someone to tends to react emotionally and impulsively, I struggle with grudge holding, being a victim, and being comfortable in chaos. I also have realized that my lack of patience results in my anger problem. When I view everything in my life as such an extreme it is impossible to see the end results. However, since I began my recovery journey those things have been worked on by God. I think trying to find patience takes me back to the first 3 steps I have learned at Celebrate Recovery:

Realize I’m not God: I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable. (Step 1) Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.” Matthew 5:3

 

Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. (Step 2) “Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Mathew 5:4

Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. (Step3) “Happy are the meek.” Matthew 5:5

I really like the "short" version of these steps:

I CAN'T

GOD CAN

I WILL LET HIM.

I try to now make amends quickly, view people as God's children and not their actions, and live one moment at a time and enjoying God's blessings instead of wondering what bad is coming next. I am learning to let go and have even been praying for patience in certain areas of my life. I am thankful for my family that has been patient with me. I am thankful for friends who are further down road on their journey that lovingly encourage me on my path. I am thankful for a God who walks beside me and carries me when I cannot put on foot in front of another.

Sports Girl!

This year has been the first year that Allie has shown interest in playing any sports. This summer at camp she really bonded with some of the high school girls over volleyball so we signed her up at the YMCA to play for 6 weeks this fall! I love YMCA sports! They practice one night a week and the games on all on Saturday! She is getting the hang of serving, calling it, and volleying it over the net.



The tournament TEAM! It was a cold day!

Also, at her school they do 4 weeks of soccer, 4 weeks of basketball, and 4 weeks of track and then they have a tournamnet for the top teams. Allie just finished up soccer this past weekend and they made it to the tournament being undefeated but they lost their first game on Saturday so we were out. There were lots of tears and this morning she asked if she could stay home. When I asked her
"Why?" she said "Mr. Radar is going to say we did our best but that we lost the tournament!" I told her she had to go.


I think playing sports has been good for Allie. As her mother's daughter, she likes things to be perfect. I think it is good for her perfectionism to have to practice.  She is looking forward to basketball at school starting in November and Chloe even signed up to play Y ball in Decemember! Looks like our Saturday's are booked for a while!

She is a Teenager!!!!

On September 5, 2012 Chloe entered a new stage of life..... teenage-hood! Its hard to believe this little girl is now 13!


On the day of her birthday we went to Zio's with Aunt Heather, Uncle Ryan, and cousin Ava!

For the birthday celebration, we invited her church buddies over for an afternoon of shopping at the outlet mall, pizza, and a sleepover. I am so thankful for each of these girls and the great christian friends Chloe has made at Wilshire.

Chloe wasn't into the whole birthday cake thing this year but she did let me make her favorite dessert. It is a layer of cookie dough, then a layer of Oreos, and then brownie mix is poured over the top! I baked it at 350 for 30 minutes.


Chloe has REALLY grown up a lot this last year and isn't needing her mom as much. I am thankful for her confident and "one-of-a-kind"! So, She is a teenager and a pretty amazing one at that! I love how she has a heart for special needs kids, makes good choices when it comes to friends, gives back through being a leader in DC4k, rarely complains about things, and does her best in whatever she does! Happy Birthday my sweet girl! May you continue to grow in God and you allow Him to lead you on this journey we call life!

4 years

Tonight I received my 4 year chip! Four years ago tonight, I walked through the doors of Celebrate Recovery at Memorial Road Church of Christ.  I did not have many friends (and really only 2 but they lived far away and I would go months without contact with them). I had been through so much that I actually felt better in chaos and turmoil then when things were going well. I was angry, unforgiving, and judgemental. I loved being a victim and a martyr and guilt was how I motivated and manipulated many in my life. I took EVERYTHING personally and I was obsessed with perfectionism. I believed in God but it had been years since I could say a prayer and I rarely opened my bible outside of church. I was there because my counselor said she thought it would be good for me. I had NO idea what these next four years would have in store for me as a person, wife, mom, boss, employee, and friend.  I really feel like today even though I still struggle, I have a lot more balance in my life. I celebrated 60 days of daily bible reading last week. I can pray! I am an active participant with my church family. I have friends and I have became closer to the two friends I really neglected and honestly, only called when I needed something. My husband and I are happier than we have ever been. I am healthier and I am comfortable in my own skin. I am a calmer mom. I do not need to "fix" everyone. I can listen to people and not be thinking of the next thing I am going to say. I have truly for the first time in my life felt grace and felt truly forgiven.  This acceptance of forgiveness and grace has caused me to be a much more gracious and forgiving person. "I still stuggle but now I struggle well and with hope!" Needless to say... I am so thankful I chose to walk across that parking lot 4 years ago and for the journey so far. It has been a long winding road filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and a few detours but I know I would not be the grateful believer in Jesus I am today without it!

1st Day of School 2012

Well, Chloe is now a 7th grader and Allie is a 4th grader. We did our usual 1st day of school pics on the front porch!

 I don't know who was more excited though the kids or the dogs! When the boys saw them put their backpacks on and mentioned the word "school", they started running around the house and going and sitting by the front door.

 I texted with Chloe throughout the day and she seemed to have a good day! But about 1:00 she said that her ear was hurting really bad so when I picked her up we headed straight to the clinic and it turns out she had a low-grade fever and a pretty bad ear infection on her left side. The doctor said there were already formed blister on her eardrum.

 We finished up at the clinic just in time to pick  Allie up! She said her first day was great but she misses all her friends that are in another class and that her teacher was just a tiny strict but she said she still likes her! After we picked Allie up, we headed to the pharmacy where we had to wait on Chloe's prescriptions so we had a special 1st day of school snack from McDonald's!