Friday, September 7, 2012

4 years

Tonight I received my 4 year chip! Four years ago tonight, I walked through the doors of Celebrate Recovery at Memorial Road Church of Christ.  I did not have many friends (and really only 2 but they lived far away and I would go months without contact with them). I had been through so much that I actually felt better in chaos and turmoil then when things were going well. I was angry, unforgiving, and judgemental. I loved being a victim and a martyr and guilt was how I motivated and manipulated many in my life. I took EVERYTHING personally and I was obsessed with perfectionism. I believed in God but it had been years since I could say a prayer and I rarely opened my bible outside of church. I was there because my counselor said she thought it would be good for me. I had NO idea what these next four years would have in store for me as a person, wife, mom, boss, employee, and friend.  I really feel like today even though I still struggle, I have a lot more balance in my life. I celebrated 60 days of daily bible reading last week. I can pray! I am an active participant with my church family. I have friends and I have became closer to the two friends I really neglected and honestly, only called when I needed something. My husband and I are happier than we have ever been. I am healthier and I am comfortable in my own skin. I am a calmer mom. I do not need to "fix" everyone. I can listen to people and not be thinking of the next thing I am going to say. I have truly for the first time in my life felt grace and felt truly forgiven.  This acceptance of forgiveness and grace has caused me to be a much more gracious and forgiving person. "I still stuggle but now I struggle well and with hope!" Needless to say... I am so thankful I chose to walk across that parking lot 4 years ago and for the journey so far. It has been a long winding road filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and a few detours but I know I would not be the grateful believer in Jesus I am today without it!


  1. Thank you for allowing me and others too, to learn about your road. I truly see you as having so much more joy then when I first met you. Keep sharing please. It's truly a story I love to read!

    1. Thanks Jennifer!!! You are always such an encourager to me!

  2. Jennifer, you are truly a miracle! God is using you to reach out to soooo many others What a blessing, I am so proud of you. (I can be proud you can be grateful) In January this year if I stay sober one day at a time I will have 23 years. Not by my effort but by God's grace. Life, which I cared little or nothing about is a blessed gift today, I get to participate in it. My precious husband, children and grandchildren, friends, people I get to meet every day are a wonder to me and this is a real gift! Thank you for being an instrument of God. ~ patty

    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    Where there is sadness, joy.

    O Divine Master,
    grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
    to be understood, as to understand;
    to be loved, as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive.
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.


    1. Thank you so much for sharing Patty!!! Yay for God,you, and your family for your soberity!!