Sports Girl!

This year has been the first year that Allie has shown interest in playing any sports. This summer at camp she really bonded with some of the high school girls over volleyball so we signed her up at the YMCA to play for 6 weeks this fall! I love YMCA sports! They practice one night a week and the games on all on Saturday! She is getting the hang of serving, calling it, and volleying it over the net.



The tournament TEAM! It was a cold day!

Also, at her school they do 4 weeks of soccer, 4 weeks of basketball, and 4 weeks of track and then they have a tournamnet for the top teams. Allie just finished up soccer this past weekend and they made it to the tournament being undefeated but they lost their first game on Saturday so we were out. There were lots of tears and this morning she asked if she could stay home. When I asked her
"Why?" she said "Mr. Radar is going to say we did our best but that we lost the tournament!" I told her she had to go.


I think playing sports has been good for Allie. As her mother's daughter, she likes things to be perfect. I think it is good for her perfectionism to have to practice.  She is looking forward to basketball at school starting in November and Chloe even signed up to play Y ball in Decemember! Looks like our Saturday's are booked for a while!

She is a Teenager!!!!

On September 5, 2012 Chloe entered a new stage of life..... teenage-hood! Its hard to believe this little girl is now 13!


On the day of her birthday we went to Zio's with Aunt Heather, Uncle Ryan, and cousin Ava!

For the birthday celebration, we invited her church buddies over for an afternoon of shopping at the outlet mall, pizza, and a sleepover. I am so thankful for each of these girls and the great christian friends Chloe has made at Wilshire.

Chloe wasn't into the whole birthday cake thing this year but she did let me make her favorite dessert. It is a layer of cookie dough, then a layer of Oreos, and then brownie mix is poured over the top! I baked it at 350 for 30 minutes.


Chloe has REALLY grown up a lot this last year and isn't needing her mom as much. I am thankful for her confident and "one-of-a-kind"! So, She is a teenager and a pretty amazing one at that! I love how she has a heart for special needs kids, makes good choices when it comes to friends, gives back through being a leader in DC4k, rarely complains about things, and does her best in whatever she does! Happy Birthday my sweet girl! May you continue to grow in God and you allow Him to lead you on this journey we call life!

4 years

Tonight I received my 4 year chip! Four years ago tonight, I walked through the doors of Celebrate Recovery at Memorial Road Church of Christ.  I did not have many friends (and really only 2 but they lived far away and I would go months without contact with them). I had been through so much that I actually felt better in chaos and turmoil then when things were going well. I was angry, unforgiving, and judgemental. I loved being a victim and a martyr and guilt was how I motivated and manipulated many in my life. I took EVERYTHING personally and I was obsessed with perfectionism. I believed in God but it had been years since I could say a prayer and I rarely opened my bible outside of church. I was there because my counselor said she thought it would be good for me. I had NO idea what these next four years would have in store for me as a person, wife, mom, boss, employee, and friend.  I really feel like today even though I still struggle, I have a lot more balance in my life. I celebrated 60 days of daily bible reading last week. I can pray! I am an active participant with my church family. I have friends and I have became closer to the two friends I really neglected and honestly, only called when I needed something. My husband and I are happier than we have ever been. I am healthier and I am comfortable in my own skin. I am a calmer mom. I do not need to "fix" everyone. I can listen to people and not be thinking of the next thing I am going to say. I have truly for the first time in my life felt grace and felt truly forgiven.  This acceptance of forgiveness and grace has caused me to be a much more gracious and forgiving person. "I still stuggle but now I struggle well and with hope!" Needless to say... I am so thankful I chose to walk across that parking lot 4 years ago and for the journey so far. It has been a long winding road filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and a few detours but I know I would not be the grateful believer in Jesus I am today without it!

1st Day of School 2012

Well, Chloe is now a 7th grader and Allie is a 4th grader. We did our usual 1st day of school pics on the front porch!

 I don't know who was more excited though the kids or the dogs! When the boys saw them put their backpacks on and mentioned the word "school", they started running around the house and going and sitting by the front door.

 I texted with Chloe throughout the day and she seemed to have a good day! But about 1:00 she said that her ear was hurting really bad so when I picked her up we headed straight to the clinic and it turns out she had a low-grade fever and a pretty bad ear infection on her left side. The doctor said there were already formed blister on her eardrum.

 We finished up at the clinic just in time to pick  Allie up! She said her first day was great but she misses all her friends that are in another class and that her teacher was just a tiny strict but she said she still likes her! After we picked Allie up, we headed to the pharmacy where we had to wait on Chloe's prescriptions so we had a special 1st day of school snack from McDonald's!

Last Day of Summer!!

I cannot believe this is the LAST day of summer!! It was a great but busy summer! With Chloe in the youth group now it felt like we were constantly running here and there.
Here are some of the highlights:

• Jake turned 9
• Church camp
• Kumon on Tuesday and Thursdays!
• The girls went on a little vacay with my parents to Dallas where they got to go to the zoo and Hurricane Harbor!
• Adley was born
• Each of the girls took a separate trip to Tulsa to spend time with Meme and Punkie.
• Bell Birthday Bash in Dallas
• Lots of Frontier City and White Water Bay Trips!
• Youth camping trip
• Allie went on an over night trip to Tulsa with Uncle Terry, Jake, and Wil and went to the aquarium.
• Lots of cousin sleepovers with Jake and swimming in his pool!
• Lots of movie nights!
• Allie learned to dive thanks to her cousin Wil!
• We had a few fun outings with friends.
• We got to spend a few days watching Ava.
• We went to the Bethany Pool by our house a handful of time.
• We got a new AC!
• Misa and I celebrated 4 years of marriage.
• We had a youth group girls sleepover.
• I went to California for the 2nd time to attend the Celebrate Recovery Summit.
• With the youth group Chloe got to: Go to several Area Wide Teen Worships about the Metro area, help out at the Luther Service Center, game nights, a lock-in, and participate in a ropes course.
• I also taught with Amber the girls class for our 4th summer!

Over all it was a great summer! It was different than summer past as the gap between them seems to be widening causing Chloe and Allie to bicker and fight more. There were a few moments of  sister laughing and bonding that still give me hope that one day they can be the best of friends that they once were. I also realized this summer that summers are just going to get busier and busier and the time I get to spend doing things with them will be shorter and shorter. They are wanting to do more on their own and don't need me as much and I know this is the natural progression and it means that I have instilled a confidence in them I want them to have but I won't lie, this summer was a little lonelier than in years past. We made some good memories this summer and I am a much more present mom than I have been able to be in the past. I am thankful for this summer and anytime I get with my girlies!

Last Day of Summer Snowcones

The Roller coaster

For 3 and a half years now Misa and I have been trying to get pregnant. Along this journey we have lost 2 babies. I never had any trouble getting pregnant with the girls. I wont lie the emotional roller coaster every month is really starting to wear on me.

Everyone says "Oh when you stop thinking about it or stop trying it will happen!" And I have tried to do that but now that we are seeing an infertility specialists I have to think about it everyday. My day starts with taking my temperature before my feet hit the ground minus 4 days of the month, then on day 10 of my cycle I have to take an ovulation test every day until it is positive. I have to go on the 3rd day of my cycle and have an ultrasound to make sure I do not have any cysts so that can give me my medication to help me ovulate when I should. On the 23rd day of my cycle I have to have a progesterone test to make sure my levels are good in case I will be pregnant in the next week.

I know that God has a plan for our family and I really hope that plan includes a child for us. It seems like everywhere I look someone is pregnant. Every TV show has a pregnant lady in it. I feel like I have been through a lot in my life and honestly this is the first time I have questioned God and questioned if somethings I am not proud of in my past that maybe this is my punishment. I have wondered if I have not be the best mom to Chloe and Allie and God is saving another child from my mothering. I know in my head that God does not work that way but that is where my head goes in those late nights that sleep wont come. I often feel like I have let Misa down by not being able to give him a child. So today I took my 42nd negative pregnancy test.
So the roller coaster ride begins again. Everyday I pray for peace and God's will to be obvious. A lot of days I can be content and hopeful and cling to His peace... today is just not one of those days. Yet I still know God is in this!

Being Still

I have always been intrigued by the idea of stillness, rest, and peace. It is something I have struggled but have longed for since I can remember. Even in my mind when I am physically still I am making my next "To-Do list" or trying to think of something to do or simply feel like I am wasting time when there is something to clean.

On July 12th we headed out to go on a camping trip with our youth group! I was sooooo excited to do this! We were supposed to stay until  Sunday but after a day of hiking and kayaking on Friday I went to make the bed and when I stood up my whole lower back seized up. It was some of the worst pain I have ever felt. After a very restless night on Saturday morning I told Misa that we were going to have to come back because I could barely walk. I went straight to the doctor where he gave me a couple shots and some muscle relaxers. I have now been everyday to my chiropractor and am about 90% back to normal.

I was forced to be still this week and it- to be honest-was frustrating at times. There were so many things I wanted to do that I just physically could not do. But I tried to take advantage of the time not spend it all watching TV.  I spent more time in the word than I usually do and I prayed a little more. For a long time I was not comfortable in my own skin, so quietness was the worst for me. I had negative tapes that I played over and over. And although I still find myself drifting back to those tapes, I now have tools (like the serenity prayer I learned at Celebrate Recovery and a sponsor and accountability partners to call) that help me turn those tapes off and get back to a frame of reality. I now can enjoy a quiet drive in the car without music on all the time. One of my favorite things to do is to sit on the porch in the morning with a cup of tea and just listen to the sounds. 

I also think God was teaching me a lesson in slowing down this week. I know that throughout his word God holds the idea of rest as an important thing. Heck.... He gave himself a day off when he created the world and everything in it. If it is something God gives himself maybe I should follow his lead and learn more to "Be still and know that (HE) is God." Honestly, on my death bed am I going to wish I cleaned more? or checked more off my to-do list?
I pray that I through this I have learned:
1. Do not take something as simple as bending over to pick something up for granted.
2. Just being with my family is good without an activity planned.
3. There is "blessing in the breaking". God took my back going out and turned it into a positive thing- redirecting back closer to Him!

This week for me was summed up by this verse:
"He MAKES me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters." - Psalms 23