Friday, July 20, 2012
I have always been intrigued by the idea of stillness, rest, and peace. It is something I have struggled but have longed for since I can remember. Even in my mind when I am physically still I am making my next "To-Do list" or trying to think of something to do or simply feel like I am wasting time when there is something to clean.
On July 12th we headed out to go on a camping trip with our youth group! I was sooooo excited to do this! We were supposed to stay until Sunday but after a day of hiking and kayaking on Friday I went to make the bed and when I stood up my whole lower back seized up. It was some of the worst pain I have ever felt. After a very restless night on Saturday morning I told Misa that we were going to have to come back because I could barely walk. I went straight to the doctor where he gave me a couple shots and some muscle relaxers. I have now been everyday to my chiropractor and am about 90% back to normal.
I was forced to be still this week and it- to be honest-was frustrating at times. There were so many things I wanted to do that I just physically could not do. But I tried to take advantage of the time not spend it all watching TV. I spent more time in the word than I usually do and I prayed a little more. For a long time I was not comfortable in my own skin, so quietness was the worst for me. I had negative tapes that I played over and over. And although I still find myself drifting back to those tapes, I now have tools (like the serenity prayer I learned at Celebrate Recovery and a sponsor and accountability partners to call) that help me turn those tapes off and get back to a frame of reality. I now can enjoy a quiet drive in the car without music on all the time. One of my favorite things to do is to sit on the porch in the morning with a cup of tea and just listen to the sounds.
I also think God was teaching me a lesson in slowing down this week. I know that throughout his word God holds the idea of rest as an important thing. Heck.... He gave himself a day off when he created the world and everything in it. If it is something God gives himself maybe I should follow his lead and learn more to "Be still and know that (HE) is God." Honestly, on my death bed am I going to wish I cleaned more? or checked more off my to-do list?
I pray that I through this I have learned:
1. Do not take something as simple as bending over to pick something up for granted.
2. Just being with my family is good without an activity planned.
3. There is "blessing in the breaking". God took my back going out and turned it into a positive thing- redirecting back closer to Him!
This week for me was summed up by this verse:
"He MAKES me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters." - Psalms 23