3 Become 4!

It really hit me last night that an era is coming to a close. For 11 years, as far as girls go, it has just been Chloe, Allie, & me. 

For 4 of those 11 years, it was just us 3. 

We have been through a journey of lots of peaks and pits. 

It also hit me that Emilia will not know the unique experience of growing up on a college campus. I hope our testimony of the blessing of OC is made clear to her. The birthday parties at the playground, the wonderment of the ping pong and pool tables in the Nowlin Center, the endless Icees at the caf, feeding the ducks in the OC pond, playing on the grand piano in the lobby of the Gaylord center, window shopping in the bookstore, and going to class with mom on school holidays and sitting at the feet of amazing professors while coloring! How many 11 year olds get to call Jim Baird their BFF! 

This last year has been tough to leave behind our OC home but it was time for our family to spread its wings and leave the nest. We have a lot of wonderful memories and OC is part of us. So, within the next few days jenchlonal will have a new member. It will be exciting to see how Emilia changes our "Girls Club"! 

Family Evolution

With the anticipation of our new family member arriving any day now, it's been a great time of reflection for me. Having been a mom for 14 years I can look back and see a lot of mistakes I have made, things I want to do different, & even some things I would like to stay the same. 

Honestly, I have shed a few tears over this because I can look back and see my time as a single mom was really about survival and there wasn't a lot of room for anything else. I am so thankful for the many times that grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends stepped in to love on Chloe and Allie when I couldn't. I am very thankful for my recovery and that I am now able to be more of the mom I always have wanted to be. 

This last year has been very tough especially for Chloe. She is a teenager now and trying to learn to navigate feelings and hurt that  would be difficult for a 30 year old let alone a 14 year old. I pray everyday for her peace and healing and her journey to find that. In the mean time, it feels like I am just trying to keep her afloat and from making detrimental life altering mistakes. 

I am thankful that Emilia will grow up in a 2 parent home. One that I know where she will be surrounded by love and stability. She will have a father that already puts her first. Don't get me wrong, Misa is an amazing step-father who puts Chloe and Allie above himself. He has carefully navigated the murky waters that step parents face. He has gotten the short end of the stick several times when it comes to the girls. He does all the hard work and rarely sees any of the glory. I read a study recently that says it takes the average child 6 years to accept and trust a step-parent and we will be married 6 years in August.

 

I also recently heard an analogy on successful step families being like a crockpot:

"The key to crockpot stepfamilies is time and low heat. I've already stressed the importance of being patient with the integration process and not trying to force love, care, or togetherness. Often, in an attempt to quickly combine various ingredients such as people, rituals, and backgrounds, stepfamilies use the food processor, microwave, pressure cooker, and blender integration styles. Such an effort almost always backfires, bringing a backlash of anger and resentment.

Stepfamilies need time to adjust to new living conditions, new parenting styles, rules, and responsibilities. They needtime to experience one another and develop trust, commitment, and a shared history. They need time to find a sense of belonging and an identity as a family unit. None of these things can be rushed. Adults who are trying to prove to their parents, friends, church, minister, or themselves that their remarriage decision was right for everyone, push their family to "blend" quickly. But they are often greatly disappointed and feel like failures. A slow-cooking mentality invites you to relax in the moment and enjoy the small steps your stepfamily is making toward integration, rather than pressuring family members to move ahead.

Cooking with low heat refers to your gradual, intentional efforts to bring the parts together. It is working smarter, not harder. Let's contrast some crockpot approaches to the examples of what not to do.

As a crockpot stepfather, you don't worry excessively about why you're not immediately bonding with your teenage stepdaughter. Slow-cooking stepparents understand the cardinal rule of relationship development with stepchildren: Let the stepchild set the pace for the relationship. If the child is receiving of you, then openly return the child's affections. If she remains distant or standoffish, find ways of managing rules and getting through life. But don't insist a child automatically accept your authority or physical affection."

I guess the reason I am writing all of this is because I know life is about to change and a new dynamic is about to make her presence known. My perfectionistic/codepedent side wants to make this transition easy and the best case scenerio for everyone but I know that it isn't always going to be easy and at times it is going to be a hard adjustment, but once again I am brought back to my recovery lessons that even as a family we are to take it "One day at a time, one moment at time." 

Spring Break 2014

Well, spring break marked our 6th week living in Houston! Our Oklahoma family came for a visit as well as Chloe's BFF Aylssa! 

This anticipated visit was great for getting the house together and decorated. 

They arrived Saturday night and we ate together and then we just talked while the cousins begun playing and memory making activities! 

On Sunday after church, we stuffed ourselves at Lupe's and then crashed for afternoon naps.

 On Monday, we had kind of a lazy/hangout day. My wonderful handy man of a daddy helped me get my laundry room organized with building some shelves! 

Meme made sure all the grand kids got the attention they needed and plenty of rockin chair time! 

Monday was St.Patrick's day so we had our traditional green chocolate chip pancakes! 

We attempted to get a pic of all the cousins together but that was a bit like herding cats!

Poor little Rhett is way out numbered but he thinks his girl cousins are so funny! 

Monday night Lori had a family shower for me and I was able to open all my gifts from Oklahoma from the shower that got iced out. 

Adley even got dressed up for the shower! 

Tuesday we headed to the zoo and at times it felt like we brought the zoo to the zoo! Ha! We finished off the last night with pizza! 

Wednesday morning we said "Good-bye" as they headed back to Okla-home. A great time was had by all and most importantly watching little cousins play, read books together, & look up to each other was the best part of the trip! 

 I can't wait to see how the next two little ones fit into all this! 

Allie is 11!

On March 3rd, our little Allie turned 11. 

We started out with our tradition of birthday breakfast and uncle Matt joined us! 

After school, I had a huge cupcake from Kroger waiting for her! 

Nana and Pa happened to time their gift perfect and so the traditional cereal box full of British chocolate arrived with a card with money inside! 

On Friday, we had a party for her with a couple school friends and a few friends from church. We had pizza, ice cream cake, and we tie-dyed tshirts!

This hasn't been the easiest year. Moving twice and Allie was in middle school in Arkansas and now she is back in elementary school has been challenging. Academically Allie has never struggled (YAY Kumon!) but Texas schools are some of the best for a reason! The bar is a lot higher so Allie signed herself up for tutoring on Wednesday mornings. She gets there at 7 and studies with her teacher until school starts at 8:45am. 

Allie has had a lot of firsts this year:

-school dance

-youth group activities

-the dreaded "girl" video at school complete with a Q&A afterwards

Allie B-

You are an amazing girl with a heart for the broken. You love church and can't wait to be in the youth group again in August. You constantly live life as a musical! You love bubble baths, painted toes, & dancing! You are not afraid to say how you feel! Your little cousins think you are the coolest and you are so patient with them and determined not to make them feel like a bother to you. You are apprehensive about your little sister's arrival, which will make you the middle child. Your favorite person on earth is your Meme and her back scratches! You amaze me with having such an amazing insight to forgivness to those who have hurt you in your life. You can be a worrier like me but when you find yourself worrying you quote the scripture:

You have some amazing life goals and I know you will work hard to achieve them! So Happy Birthday sweet girl! I love you!

-Mom

Texas Triumphs and Turmoil!

Well, in all honesty this move has been a lot tougher then our Arkansas one. With the exception of Chloe, she loves school, has amazing teachers, has made friends both in school and at church, & is finding ways to serve in the youth group. This is their Youth logo and verse:

Allie had to go back to elementary which she was excited about but it's been a tough transition. Her school is pretty strict and expects a lot from 5th graders. It isn't anything that Allie is capable of she just was used to 6th grade in Arkansas where they were more lenient because it was their first year in middle school and a lot of things were focused around the adjustment of changing classes & having lockers, etc. at this school they seem to be getting them ready for middle school so they place a lot of responsibility on self-sufficiency which as a parent I am all for but Allie has struggled with the transition. Also, in Arkansas she was in the youth group and here she will have to wait until August. She is jealous of Chloe and all the youth things Chloe gets to go do. However, for the first time we are at a church where there are several girls her age and she has been able to make some friends.

Both the girls are experiencing life as a minority here at their schools. Allie is only 1 of 2 Caucasian children in her class at school. At Chloe's school there are 1300 students and only 130 are Caucasian. The majority of the students are Hispanic and every information paper they bring home from school is in both English and Spanish. Chloe has made friends with a girl who is Peruvian! She is super sweet and she has come to church with us and Chloe has gone over to her house. Her mom is super sweet and between my limited Spanish and her limited English we have been able to communicate. 

On our very first Sunday here the girls started LTC and so that has been a great way to connect to others and make friends. Chloe has youth group every Sunday night, Girls bible study on Monday nights, and on Wednesday they have "Refuel" which is where they go tot the church after school hang out, do homework, play basketball, and then have pizza together before worship. Chloe has also really connected with her new youth minister, Chris, he plays ukulele and wears bow ties! 

Our house is a huge blessing! We have had 2 water problems that, Lord willing, have now been fixed! We are slowly making this house our home. Between my limited ability because of being pregnant, Misa's work schedule, and life in general with running kids, homework, cooking, and laundry. It is moving along about like a herd of turtles walking through peanut butter! 

Yesterday, marked my 200th day for being pregnant. Her nursery is still empty but hopefully that will change here in the next few weeks. For the most part I have been feeling well. I had a blood clot scare and my hip and low back have been bothering me at night so about 3:00 am I have to get up and attempt to sleep sitting up. I have found a great chiropractor here and that is helping when I am able to go. Until we reach our family deductable it costs me $60 a visit. I know we are close reaching that and there are a few things that haven't been put through the insurance yet that might put us there. After that it will only be $12 a visit! So in the mean time, I am resting a lot and attempting to take it easy. If you know me, it is difficult to sit in a mess and be patient. Misa is amazing though! He always has me sit down and direct when we are able to hang things and the kids are great to help pick things off the floor or get things out of low cabinets for me. 

Oscar and Buster have had their own adjustment issues! First off our new house has stairs and it took Buster and hour to muster up the courage to climb them. They pooped on the couch upstairs the first day and then the other morning Buster ate Allies glasses. Then one of them stepped in poop in the backyard and tracked that in. Misa installed a dogdoor in the back door so I don't have to get up to let Oscar out because he can't seem to hold it all night. Right now the rest of our street is being built so they love sitting upstairs at Allies window watching all the workers! Needless to say they have caused some frustrating situations but I am praying its out of their systems! They have always been a little naughty but haven't been ones to have accidents in the house! 

One of the best things about living here is getting to spend time with Adley! She loves her cousins and either loves her fur-cousins or is hitting them yelling "BACK! BACK!" 

So, like I said... This move has been a journey in and of itself. I am praying that it is only up from here for all of us and that we can find our "family rhythm" soon enough! 

House in Texas Take 2!

Well, as time was going along we kept getting different estimates on when our house would be complete in Katy and the last estimate was were we luckily if it was done by the end of Febuary. This was stressful to say the least and Misa and I decided just to look around and see what else was available and have our realtor talk to our builder and see if it was possible to get out of our agreement. Luckily, they were very understanding and returned our earnest money. We didn't see really anything in Katy that we liked in our price range so we decided to look in Cypress. Misa found a great new construction and luckily our realtor knew the builder and his work.

The house is a lot bigger than we were originally looking for. There are a few things we would like to upgrade as time goes on like granite counter tops etc but we couldn't beat the price. There were 3 identical floor plan houses complete in the neighborhood. Misa face timed me in on all 3. One of them had a covered back porch with ceiling fans and a gas connection from the house for a gas grill that a family had built before they had to back out of their contract. It has been complete since October and they were surprising open to negotiation and we got an even better deal than we expected thanks to our realtor Owen. 

The schools are not as good as Katy but they are better than where we were in Oklahoma City and look fairly comparable to Conway schools here.  

I am excited and relieved to make our home there in less than a month and get ready for Emilia to arrive in approximately 118 days from today! 

2013 A year in review

2013 was a busy life changing year for us. 

Here is a run down:

-We began to prepare for our move to Arkansas. 

-Oscar turned 2.

-Allie turned 10.

-Allie played basketball and was on an all-star soccer team where she was the only non-els player!

-Ava came for a sleepover! 

-We listed and sold our house in OKC.

-Chloe and I spent Fridays at the Hope Center Volunteering for the Lone Ranger Middle School Field Trip! 

-Allie ran in her first track meet. 

-I turned 35.

- We moved to OC for last month in OKC.

-Little Rhett Rhett joined the family! 

-We said goodbye to many friends. 

-I left a job I absolutely loved. 

-We survived 2 huge tornadoes.

-We moved to Conway.

-Jake turned 10!

-We found a wonderful church family. 

-The girls went to camp with Wilshire at QMCC.

-Chloe went to camp with our new church.

-We went on several camping trips.

-Mami came for a visit! 

-We traveled to Detroit.

-Misa turned 29. 

- We did more fertility testing. 

-After seeing 3 doctors it was agreed that we would need to try invitro. 

-We had the Bell birthday Bash in Houston. 

-The Berges girls came for a visit.

-Misa and I celebrated 5 years of marriage and 9 years of being together.  

-The girls started 5th grade and 8th grade. 

-I started school at UCA to pursue a degree in Addiction Studies. 

-I found out the first day of classes I was pregnant. 

-Chloe turned 14! 

-We traveled back to the fall retreat with Wilshire. 

-Mom, Dad, Heather, Ava, Rhett, Gma, & Gpa all came for a visit. 

-Allie went to her first school dance. 

-We traveled back to Oc for the Brazle Family Missions Award.

-We found out that we will be moving to Houston in 2014. 

-We spent Thanksgiving weekend in Houston and we bought a house. 

-Buster turned 2! 

-We found out that our little one is a sweet girl. 

-We decided to name her Emilia María. 

-Both the girls got the flu. 

-We spent out first Christmas just the 4 of us in Arkansas. 

One thing is definitely for sure 2013 has strengthened us as a family. Especially Misa and the girls' relationship. It hasn't been the easiest year but I will say that it has been one of growth in our family, individually, and faith! 2014 looks like a similar year of growth as we move again and welcome a little one that will surely change the dynamtic of our family. We are looking forward to a lot of memory making and being able to work together to navigate the peaks and pits of life's journey!